How many women – or men for that matter – cheered for joy when they read or heard of Cynthia Shackelford’s successful suit where she was rewarded $9M from “the other woman” this March? After all, who ever heard of filing a tort action, called alienation of affection, for money damages  against the third party in one’s deteriorating marriage?
Certainly not Elin Nordegren or Sandra Bullock, who unfortunately for them live in states that no longer recognize this tort action.
Alienation of affection suits are quite rare because – as of 2003 – just eight states recognized this as a legal cause of action. Alienation of affection still appears to be a legal cause of action in the following states: Hawaii, Illinois , Mississippi, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota and Utah. The other 42 states started to abolish this tort action beginning in 1935, deeming it a an archaic but legal way to exact revenge.
But let’s get back to basics.
An alienation of affection lawsuit is one in which a deserted spouse can sue the alleged third party if his or her partner leaves the relationship for another person and causes the marital relationship to fail. To prevail on the claim, the plaintiff needs to prove that:
- Love between the married spouses existed prior to the onset of the relationship; and
- The marital love was alienated and destroyed as a result of the relationship with the third-party; and
- The third party’s conduct was a malicious interference with the marital relationship.
The plaintiff need not prove that the third party set out to destroy the marriage. It is enough to show that she or he engaged in conduct that was foreseeable to impact the relationship in a negative manner.
The defendant in these cases can protect him or herself from the claim through several recognized defenses including:
- The Defendant lacked knowledge of the spouse’s marital status
- The Defendant was not the aggressor in the relationship with the spouse.
- The Plaintiff’s spouse was so unhappy in the marital relationship that it negated the love between the married spouses.
And, it turns out, adulterous homewreckers aren’t the only ones that need to fear these suits in the eight states that still recognize them because the deserted spouse does not need to prove extramarital sexual contact. The defendant in an alienation of affections suit is typically an adulterous spouse’s lover; however, family members, counselors, therapists or clergy members who have advised a spouse to seek divorce may also be named in such suits.
These suits are not out of the ordinary in North Carolina, where an estimated 200 suits per year are filed and where several suits in the last decade resulted in awards of more than $1 million. The alienation of affection and accompanying criminal conversion causes of action are vigorously criticized by many legal scholars and trial lawyers, who see this as providing a judicial mechanism for personal vengeance. Supporters argue that the statute is necessary to protect traditional marital relationships.
What is your stance on the matter? Would you sue an adulterer for money damages? Why or why not?
Posted by Krystyna on April 22, 2010 at 12:52pm.
[...] Alienation of Affection: Suing the Homewrecker that Destoryed Your Marriage | LegalFish: The Daily T… [...]
Last I checked it took two people to be in an affair. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. Scorned women (or men) move on with your life and get over it.
i don’t care if he and she make any attempt to step out their marriage, the homewrecker should know not to get themselves involve with that married man or women even if that married man or woman makes advances towards them. A homewrecker know when and how to prey on the weak and the vulnerable and the only one thats hurting at the end is the spouse at home. At least the hurting spouse will get something out the deal. If you know this person is married, my advice is don’t fall for them and please don’t go there!!
I agree with Latrese, believe it or not a perfectly happy marriage can be ripped to shreads by one of these people. And a marriage that has been amazingly wonderful for 13 years can be lost in 13 days when you meet one of these people. They knew what they were doing from the moment they laid eyes on your spouse. Someone lusting over a man non-stop can make even the most loyal man go astray. I say sue the home wrecker at least their name will be out there for public record and then everyone can know that the home wrecking wh_ _ _ is close by and who to watch out for.
The homewrecker is not the one that preys on marriages ALL the time. Some people grow apart, fall out of love. If a man/woman loved their spouse unconditionally, NO ONE would be able to break up that home. Most people in marriages need to do some soul searching and stop blaming EVERYONE/ANYONE for YOUR failure!!! “Homewreckers” are not the cause of most marriages ending in DIVORCE!!! It is the weak cheating spouse that has no SELF control OR the poor little innocent spouse that stopped doing what they’ve been doing in the being of the marriage. NO ONE IS TO BLAME BUT THE TWO PEOPLE THAT VOWED TO BE COMMITTED!!!
In my opinion, tort claims of this nature really discredit and dishonor courts, judges, and lawyers who participate in such a charade.
Jennifer is absolutely right, it takes two willing parties to engage in an affair.
When an affair occurs and if alientation of affection exists, it is the person involved in the marriage engaged in the affair who is alienating affection as the third party has no obligation nor have they entered into a contract with either party of the marriage to love, honor, or cherish.
It is flat out absurd to consider the thought of third party liability in relation to infidelity. For an extra-marital affair to occur, one party in the marriage has to make a conscious decision and consent to engage in the affair; otherwise, the act may be CRIMINAL.
If we are really interested in addressing the divorce rate in this country let’s start with the blatantly biased family court system that has established a highly effective financial incentive program virtually encouraging divorce.
I think such laws directly go against freedom of expression. That said, I also think anybody who goes after someone else’s spouse is acting with extreme disregard for the emotions of the person they hope will get dumped. What a horrific nightmare to try to bring about in somebody’s life!!! Homewreckers who wreck reasonably happy homes are sociopaths. I see no way around that. A person with a conscience does not want the innocent to experience Hell on Earth. Period.
I think all states should allow this. a large percentage of the time is the homewrecker that wants to demolish a home because of jealousy and they have nothing going for them.
I just had to comment on this post since I do live in MS which is one of the states that recognizes this suit and am currently in the middle of a divorce. I believe if every state still had this law in effect there would be a lot less people willing to cheat with married people for fear of being sued and having their name smeared all over town. I was cheated on my someone who I considered a friend of mine. Her ex cheated on her and it’s been 4 years and she still whines about it but yet she did it to me?? Good thing is she has lots on money and I plan on getting some of it…..she is a cheating homewrecker and she can have the sorry loser but she will pay!!
why get married if you are not sure? why not get a divorce if you are unhappy and want to explore other possibilities? im in favor of a law that holds dishonorable people accountable for being liars. why should they be rewarded with the blessings of a new life for not honoring a promise they made before god and family? selfish lying hedinistic adulterers that only care about their own pleasure and well being at the cost of their partners and childrens futures.
Extramarital affairs are part of human society (It does not mean I condone them, but we need to consider what the facts are). Whether in strict Islamic dominated cultures or here in the US, where divorce laws could be considered “liberal.” Most of them keep on going silently, between “normal” people. That is, most affairs do not involve lawyers, or even are known to anyone other than the people who are involved. While there is sexual activity involved, in the great majority of cases I studies, sexual desires by themselves are NOT the fundamental driver in extramarital affairs. “Lust” is too simple a word. What most people involved in extramarital affairs are experiencing is some form of “emptiness.” I used this word because “dissatisfaction” could imply fault on another party or that satisfaction depends on somebody else. Having an affair is not the ultimate solution, but doing so can appear to the people involved that they have sought some relief. No one is responsible for or can rectify another person’s feeling empty. Although we hear a lot of heart wrenching stories, many of the silent ones, are seen as “one way to KEEP the marriage together” by the straying spouse. The spouse that is having affair is in somewhat dissatisfied, to a degree that he or she cannot overcome with his or her emotional awareness and aptitude to adjust, and that spouse is trying to find an “outlet.” The great majority of cases that I studied, there is not a third party out there “preying” on a “victim” spouse. To the degree that the spouse being cheated on did not instigate the affair, that spouse feels “victimized.” The third party, if aware of the marriage, and the straying spouse are trying to make belief there is more gain than loss, in terms of emotional adjustments, among the three parties. They view their needs, which are real, although not always accurately understood, are in conflict with the society’s rules. In most cases, they believe the societal rules are “too general” to take into account of the specific human needs involved.
The difficulty in terms of law is how to define being “criminal” since there is no contract between a third party and the spouse whose husband or wife is having an affair.
Well me and my husband have been married for almost two years. I know what its like to be deserted by your spouce. A “homewrecker”, or someone that splits up your marriage, and knows he/she is married in my oppinion should have known better to mess with a married man/ or woman, and should have to pay the price. You shouldn’t get married if your not sure, or grown up enough to except responibilies. But if you take the step to get married you should not abandon your responsibilies as a spouce. Marriage should not be takin lightly.
I’m currently going thru this this guy started texting my wife sexually ecology crap and she started to answer him back. And now that I’ve read that virginia has this law and was used no more than 6 montes ago I think I’ll do the same!
I’m going through this with my husband. Yes he was WEAK at a vulnerable time of his life.He lost his mother to cancer & had a lot of guilt.This homewrecker lives in Va. She is a very good maniplulator/talker.If he changed his number & block her from facebook,& lose her number, we’d be fine. I think these laws would be great in every state. I think if there were consequences for their actions there would be less affairs. If they are so unhappy, let them file for divorce FIRST, then look for something new.I really believe if there were consequences,these people wouldn’t chase after married people.I would support these laws cause they would think before doing.Even if these laws were put/kept in place for all states.The thought of the possibilty of being sued should scare’em enough to think before doing it.This is just my opinnion.THINK!!!!
I have one for you. I was connected through Facebook by my first boyfriend, since that time we have talked to only discover that his mother , whom I was very close to is dying, he lost his job and as he stated was in a marriage only for convenience. Since that time I has confessed his love for me and that he made a mistake 23 years ago when he left me for his now current wife, due to a unplanned pregnancy. Well, long story short, he has pursued me constantly and I have told him no that he needs to try and make his marriage work. He since has filed separation papers and the wife is now stating she is gonna sue me. The time Span five weeks and she wants to sue me for a failed marriage and a husband who obiviously is distraught over numerous things. I could see her frustration if I was seeking him, in this case he is the aggressor and yet I am considered third party to this event just by trying to befriend someone who I thought needed a friend in a time of need. Home wrecker I am not, yet what happens in this case. I think the law needs to be revisited because I see the use in malicious and intentional situations.
I have no problem with this law, especially since I plan to use it. If you know someone is married and still living with their spouse and haven’t been seperated for more than 6mos then thats on you. No need to play stupid now that you know you have to pay up.
Marriage is a contract and like all contracts should be subject to consequences if broken. This includes people trying to break up the contract, it’s the same in many businesses. I think more states should have these types of laws and be as harsh as North Carolina. In some countries you can go to jail (many Arab countries), and I think these laws should be international.
If other woman gets pregnant she can still get child support (international-though that is harder) even if she screwing a married man. Personally, in these cases there should be more laws she(he where applicable) is guilty of, like theft, emotional distress to betrayed spouse and to children from the marriage. Lots more to think about where others do not think.
I find it interesting this law. I’m from Illinois and just discovered this. I have to agree it takes 2 that is why you can go after both. In my case my spouse whom we are still married but in process of divorce had an affair with a 24 year old, now let me tell you his oldest child is 25 now, so that tells you his age round about, this led to a pregnancy which he stated simply it was only one time. Well last week they just had their second child, the first one is only 10 months! She has a history of going after married men, not the first or second or third time of her doing this! So tell me she doesn’t need to learn a lesson! She has hurt many married couples and destroyed my family. I am really thinking hard about using this law in my divorce case. We punish someone when they steal and this is no different, she stole!
My husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 yrs. Now. In 2010 we had our first child. I am not the one up for drama. Back in june he was connected by a high school girlfriend claiming they have an 8yr old son via facebook (home wrecking site). This girl told me that she wanted to wait until my husband got married to tell him this. This hoe has been all on my page comparing herself to me. She lies to every one even sent my husband a pic of her va-jj. All of a sudden 8 yrs later she juss has to have my husband in that child’s life. She even divorced her husband who raised this boy because he did not want my husband in the pic because he raised that boy. which I agree. He raised that boy. My husband knows I’ve only been with guys without kids because of the baby mama drama. (perfect example). I love my husband but if that boy is his I may leave. I dont want to go to jail because I will strangle this homewrecking hoe. She wants him back. I don’t want this drama we were great until this she-devil. And what’s funny is the same thing happened to my best friend earlier this year. Facebook helps home wreckers ruin a happy home!!
When are people going to grow up? If a MARRIED man has an affair and goes off with an UNMARRIIED woman, then he is the one who is cheating. If a husband loves his wife then he is faithful, if he can be tempted then that is his fault, not the wife nor the mistress. Your husband went off with someone else, what is hurt, your pride. In a divorce, presumably, a fair division of marital assets would be made, but to sue the girlfriend for millions is pathetic and sad. You cant force someone to love you, to stay with you, and if you could, would you want to. Have some dignity. The American justice system is a joke.
I think the law should be even harsher, There seems to always be someone willing to take whats not theirs. You want a wife get your own you want a husband get your own. I live in North Carolina, I’m at the start of this night mare for me. My wife is in the bed of a married man tonight. My wife is married to me and this guy is married to his wife, There is no shame. I tonight am alone while another man has my wife. The full force of the law should be allowed to merit a little justice. They have ground me to powder. This Law is no joke. Make it stronger.
I want to thank you all , you just stopped a lot of tears. I waited till I was 32 to get married and find the right one and have a child , my husband is in his 50s and only wanted one child , even thow i wanted more , we have been married for 6 yrs , then this woman who had a vandetta against me got with my husband and got pregnant and is suing him for child support . She is 36 yrs old and this is her only child even thow she was in a relationship with other men . She calls and SMS both of us and our family all the time as to rub this in my face. I’ve tryed to salvage my marriage for our son but I just can’t . I have hurd to many horra stories of wives having to pay child support and i wont do it .Me and my son are the ones who really lose, but I think she should suffer too along with him for being stupid . Thank you all !
I agree, my husband and i lived in NY
Lived together for six years. He was offered another
Job out of state. However I have been at my jb for
21yrs. We always talked about moving out of
State, however we decided he should take this jb
It was a perfect opportunity for him and the
Our family. I also thought about me, if I mk
This move w/him I would like us to get married
Being that I was leaving my jb, and i
Was taking my daughter to another state.
My daughter is his stepdaughter. Well he moved
First while i stayed in NY to pack and get
Things together, I traveled back and forth
To see him, helped him find a place, getting
Settled into the new environment. He started his
Job in Dec 2011 we got married in April
2011, my job in NY gave us party, w/wonderful
Gifts and lots of blessings from friends and
Family. We went Panama City to celebrate
Our marriage, it was great. I went back
To NY, my job new I was leaving, then
I noticed a change in June, he was not
Answering his ph, until the next Morning,
The calls stopped coming in, in my gut
I knew something was wrong. Well I
Went to where he lived I needed to find out
Was was going on, he said he wanted his
Space.which was bull——, I remember
When I was visiting him in June while he
Was at work, I would go to the pool to
Sit and relax, and this woman would come
And go in the jacuzzi and sit there and
Look at me, i was thinking to myself
Why is this woman looking at me,so
Hard , she would be there for 5min
And leave. Come to find out the woman
He is/with Della Upshaw from Columbus
GA,her neice was the lady at the pool,
So she would come to check me out
For her Aunt. And they all live in the
Same complex. They always saw me
And my husband together, I tell you God
Does not approve of this, when I found out
About the affair he lost his jb that next
Day, Della on the other hand opened a
Quick door for him, providing luxury cars
For him, fixed it where he could receive
A paycheck every month, so him being
Who he is thinking about only himself
Is with her, mean while I already left
My job, I had to enroll my daughter in
A different school, I wad heartbroken
To know end, I was admitted to the hospital
For the stress.I could go on, the point I am
Making is yes I will blame the other woman
Because she knew he was married and knew
He had a stepdaughter, and saw me
Alot, and her niece. They had a plan
And yes he will be held accountable
From the higher up, devils come in
Many faces, to end this story we have not
Divorced yet, he sends me e-mails and
Saying that he did things for the wrong
Reasons,which is crap, he 56yrs old
He knows exactly what he did, and
Della Upshaw as well. I have faith
So I know God will work this out.
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